Life is Hard

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I am just going to say it.  Life is hard.  Last week was a super stressful week for me with the kids.  One of those weeks when I am constantly reminded of how much I don’t have it together & I am disappointed in myself for screwing it all up.  I get my priorities out of whack.  I get impatient with my kids & my husband & then, I treat everyone badly.  When really it is me, trying to do everything in my own strength.  Ugh.  I learn so much in these times from my family.

My daughter Katie gently reminds me, “Let’s all just calm down.”  She makes me laugh, so I will snap out of it.  She calls me out when I am not paying enough attention to her.  She asks me for the things she wants from me (which are quite reasonable) & lets me know her heart’s desires for our relationship.  She is so authentic; and vulnerable.  I want to be more brave with my heart, like she is.

My son will just shut down when things get tense.  His heart will break right there & he will cry his eyes out.  He just can’t do tense/angry at all.  He refuses.  & sometimes, I need everything to shut down; to just stop.  God knew what He was doing when He gave me Jackson.  He won’t tell me what he wants like my daughter will.  He waits until we are alone & it’s quiet.  Then, he opens his heart & I am thankful for his love for me; and his forgiveness.

My husband lately has found the most gentle ways to remind me to calm down, to lower my voice, to notice my tone.  This is huge to me because I know my struggles have been his struggles too.  We are not patient or calm; either one of us, but we want to be.  We pray for it, we try to help each other get there.

We are, getting there.

What’s hard is the daily tension.  When I feel like I’m making a big mess of it & I’m not sure how to turn it all around.  I know the heart of what I want to do, but I’m not sure of what it looks like practically.  Does that make sense?  Oh Lordy, my heart gets heavy.  This is hard in my world.

Yesterday, I ran into a friend who’s mom is dying of cancer.  Her mom is dear to me.  I have learned a lot from her.  Her friendship was startling to me.  She never claimed to be perfect, but she would call you on your bullshit & look you dead in the eye while doing so.  She really made me think about what was really in my heart.  She was honest with me & I had a lot to learn.  God has done beautiful things in her. The news that she will, most likely, leave us soon is breaking my heart.  I feel so mad about it & sad.  I wish I would’ve spent more time with her.  I should have soaked up so many more moments.  It’s so so sad.  I am praying for their family all the time & it is reminding me just why I need to chill out & calm down.

I am not promised any more days.  I don’t know what life will bring around the next corner.  I have got to breathe & to love & to slow down.  I know I need to re-examine my life.  It’s humbling & I am grateful to be made more aware; to be moved to re-evaluate.

     “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

 Have you ever heard the song from Chris Rice, Life Means So Much?  Here are the words:

Life Means So Much
by Chris Rice

Everyday is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there’s plenty of room for writing in
All we do and believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessings
Fill the page with a rhyming verse
Or some random sketchings

(Chorus)
Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
Somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Everyday is a bank account
And time is our currency
So no one’s rich, nobody’s poor
We get twenty-four hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who’s under

(Chorus)

Has anybody lived who knew the value of a life?
And don’t you think giving His own
Would prove the worth of yours and mine?

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
Somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much

Every day is a gift you’ve been given
Make the most of the time every minute you’re living
Every day is a gift you’ve been given
Make the most of the time every minute you’re living

Lead us in better ways
Somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Here’s the song:

 

About Jacqueline Presley

Owner/Author Creative Outpour. Member of Arkansas Women Bloggers & Northwest Arkansas Bloggers. Jacqueline lives in Fayetteville, AR with her husband Spencer & her 2 children Katie (7) & Jackson (5).

Comments

  1. Praying for you as you seek to be more patient 🙂

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